"I think, therefore I am." -René Descartes

Man invented machines to free himself of repetitive laborious process. Inventions eased the burden of life on humanity. Our time has expanded tremendously in only a few centuries.

Without worries of survival or repetitive tasks, people could free their creativity! No robot can replace that! Yet, when I examine how my time has been spent, I see the threat of work consuming it.

The world has many competitors, and much stress to distribute by chanting, “Use every minute to try to get ahead!” Creativity needs time to flourish! But accomplishment takes time, as well.

But what life would this be? A life without beauty, without creative flow, without reflection. I do not wish to be rushed away in the river of life, I wish to ride atop its rapids. I can be as far ahead as I want, it will only take a little more time. After all, life does not happen all at once, let the others rush to meet their goals.

Life is not a sprint. Life is not one long race, either. Life is a series of small races which constitute a journey. I, for one, look forward to each race, and don’t worry about how far I am on the journey – only that I am following the right path.

Today, I faced a question that most recognize only in hypothetical discussions. Today, I was given a choice between an easy path and a right path. While combating my mental illnesses throughout the semester, I failed all 6 of my registered classes, 3 of which I intended to drop. Speaking with MIT’s Student Support Services yielded me the two options:

1. Path One: I submit for Medical Leave with MIT Medical’s support. I will be refunded the entire semester’s tuition. All failing grades are wiped off my record. I do not attend MIT in the Spring, but I continue to receive treatment from MIT Medical, either directly or indirectly. I am expected to cut myself off from the rest of MIT, and to continue treatment and engage in a stable activity to ground myself until Student Support Services deems me ready to continue my education when I have, “Pulled my act together.”
2. Path Two: I file for Late Drop petitions with my professors to drop all of my extra, failing classes and take three failing grades. I must justify why I am dropping the classes late to the Council on Academic Performance (CAP). I continue to attend MIT with an Academic Warning – meaning, if I do not drastically improve my performance, I will be barred from MIT until I am deemed qualified to reapply. I continue, unimpeded, as a continuous student into the Spring.

MIT versus Lusby

My immediate reaction is that Path One is not an option. I quickly choose Path Two. The dean is taken aback not only by my decision, but also the swiftness with which I delivered it. He further explained that the effect this would have on my GPA would be devastating, and that even significant improvement across all sectors would still merit me doubtful glances by employers or fellowships that eyed my transcript.

“Grades are not important to me,” I reply.

He stammers, “B..But what about when employer’s request your transcript?”

“It’d be quite an interesting story to tell,” I state.

I was not going to be noncompliant, however, so I agreed to take some time to think about the decision, and research each option. Further investigation with the dean and the head of the CAP, revealed something interesting: The fact that my mental illnesses rendered me so unstable, before the official drop date, I could have, theoretically, dropped all of the classes in question. Doing so would cease my status as student of MIT, forcing me to reapply, but retaining a single class would allow me to remain as a continuing student.

I am satisfied beyond belief. Everything has gone according to plan. I acknowledged early on that focusing intently on my treatment would result in failing classes. I acknowledged that I would pay a cost in the form of a GPA. I understood the costs of my actions, but I understood the benefits of my actions. I would regain myself in life. I would remove the taint that has held me back for so long, and I would be reborn to live life anew, to fulfill that aching pain which moaned, “There is more to life than this. This is not it.”

Well, I did it, and now I must pay the cost and accept the consequences of my actions. My time was invested in researching the psychology and cognition behind full recovery of individuals like myself. I thought through every ideal, value, and goal I held. I got my act together mentally, and the recent medication has supplied the biological answer. So, I see the easy path, Path One, where I take 8 months off to work and earn money, even move back to Maryland. I could have all of my grades erased. I could have all of my connections to the class of 2012 severed and stalled for 8 months. I could take this time to ensure my treatment is fully realized and that my illnesses will not relapse. There is more stress at home, though, than MIT. A return to Maryland would cause a relapse, not MIT.

Or I can choose Path Two, the difficult path. I can go on with life without a hiccup, without an asterisk. I can maintain my flow with relationships and direction. I can risk relapse, and have only confidence to support my treatment’s realization.

The dean does not understand my decision because it is not logical based on his assumptions: 1) Easier is better. 2) Safer is better. 3) Students want high GPAs. And because he has not given me a chance to explain my decision fully, nor been been informed on the situation entirely.

Part of my decision to choose the right path, the hard path, over an easy one comes from some of the most powerful and motivating words I have ever heard,

John F. Kennedy, a giant trapped in a man's body.

“We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”

-John F. Kennedy, thirty fifth president of the United States of America

Such is the nature of true men. I choose the higher path because I will not live like a sorry soul who knows not the passions of great triumph, nor the sadness of great defeat. I will test my new resolution and capacity against this challenge that life throws at me – and I will succeed.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
- Seneca, Roman Philosopher

(The quote above was said by one of the general managers present at the meeting, today.)

Along with our high school interns, I helped present, to a room full of potential sponsors, a smidgen of what we have been created while at The Robert Robinson Taylor Network (RRTN) since the end of summer. The high school interns, Loic and Derek (again, fake names have been used to conceal identities), did a phenomenal job and received awe and praise from the room of executives.

Robert Robinson Taylor

We cut it closer than most of us would have wanted, though, there was much progress to be made to make a professional presentation, and the draft that the interns had developed on Tuesday earlier last week, had promise, but foreshadowed a long week. I, myself, had been very shaky and unfaithful in my follow through and presence at RRTN due to a worsening medical condition, of which treatment has recently begun and proven quite successful.

I needed to complete a working, presentable technology. Utilizing what time I had left, I scrambled to polish existing features and discovered that I accomplished a tremendous amount of work over the weekend. My results were met with responses (even from myself) that read, “Imagine where we would be if he had done this consistently!”

I am proud of the happenings of the day, and can really only say, “I cannot faith to fully apply myself, henceforth.”

“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

My friend, Anton (a fake name has been used to conceal his identity), has inspired me to follow-through with my own blog. I look forward to placing my thoughts as openly as he, and perhaps my entries will become a response to his, since he tends to pose many intriguing questions. I look forward to the to-and-fro conversations to be had!

I think. I think, a lot. I have been told that I think far too much… other times, I have been told that I don’t seem to think at all. Things like this often give me a lot to think about. Recently, I have begun to realize that the way I think, the way I act, the goals I set, and the fundamentals I hold true to my core are significantly different than others’. Many of my assumptions of other people have been challenged, giving me more insight into the way the world works; it has, simultaneously, given me confidence and sapped some of my hope. I find that I can envision and conceive of far more than most, that I believe in things that are radical, disturbing, or perplexing, and that apparently not everyone was doing this (as I had previously thought).

I thoroughly enjoy the way I think, though; pleasantly, and surprisingly, I have found that others seem to appreciate the thought-paths I lead them down. I’ve come to call my deviant way of thinking, “LunaThink”. And, so, I welcome you to my mind, and encourage you to share your thoughts so that our minds may grow together.